dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
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