i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
