Soap is not a condiment
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
