he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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