i was born a porn star she said
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize