I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The feeling are messing with the penis
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize