just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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