I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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