Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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