Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
