What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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