At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
