question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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