I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
