last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
