You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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