I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
babies were throwing up all over the place
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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