Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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