Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
