Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
