i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
