I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize