i just google imaged poop.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
