Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
