I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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