she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
