Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
