I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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