mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
