the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize