Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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