We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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