She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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