what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
