my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm jealous of your bromance
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
