tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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