I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
