Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
