Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
