i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
