my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
