If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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