Small penises have feelings too.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
