Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
