just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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