That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize