last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
