its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
