Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
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