I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
