I heard we made out
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
