Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize