I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
