Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
