Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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