i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
