ugly people sure do ruin things
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
