I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
