If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
