just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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