how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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