I'm jealous of your bromance
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
