The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
