i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
