The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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