Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
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