It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize