I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
