You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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