if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
